beware: poop patrol is on the prowl — yes, another email went out today about the state of our toilets in the office… here is today’s:
Hi Ladies,
Please remember to flush the toilets of all “stains” as a courtesy to others. Warning —-Mxxxxx and I were just in the ladies room and the big stall, Stall #1 is extremely disgusting!!
Please FLUSH!!
Thank you.
i’ve been on a bowling kick lately. i spent a lot of time at the alley with my grandparents when i was little. last week while at the lanes i closed my eyes for a few seconds and suddenly had a flashback of when i was about 4. i was at the alley and while my grandparents were bowling in their league i used to nap on the round bench. i was reliving the sounds of the bowling balls hitting the floor with a thump, the soothing sound of it rolling down the lane, then the strike of the pins… the distant chatter, the lingering smoke smell.. for some reason it was comfortable to me… being surrounded by a bunch of bowlers - a very social bunch.
well, today’s bowling experience was not so comfortable. (side note: my best friend and i have been on a competitive bowling run.. best out of 5 games… i had a bad 2 weeks.. this week was much better — i won.) anyway - the lane next to us was occupied by about 10 seven year old boys and 2 parents who really didn’t need to be there because they did nothing but add to the chaos.
not only did the gaggle of boys keep coming into our lane, so did the two moron parents. i had to tell a harry potter looking boy 3 times to move out of the way or he was going to get hurt… there was no control whatsoever… and what’s with the bumper things that kids can use now? and this large metal contraption that looks like a sliding board that the child puts the ball on and then it just rolls down?!?! come on! why make it so easy for them? why is that fun? we never had those … another crutch for children… another way to make things “easier”… boys this old don’t need help getting a ball down the lane…
oh and don’t forget all the potato chips on the lane that i had to keep sweeping out of the way… and the wings they’d eat… then lick their fingers… then put those fingers in the bowling balls… cesspool of nastiness…
oh forgot to mention that on the other side of us were 3 mothers and 6 little kids… well behaved.. and if they did one little thing that displayed bad behavior - they were reprimanded and they never did it again… i actually gave them compliments.. they loved it. i told them that they should give some lessons to the parents on the other side of us.
i feel better now
i know i complain about this incessantly, but the majority of people in NYC cannot handle any form of moisture. if it’s a light mist they consider it a hurricane. umbrellas are out if there’s even a smell of moisture in the air. an umbrella handling class should be required especially by bankers in midtown. there should be a class at the learning annex…and midtown bankers/assistants should be required to take the class.. once the have attended and passed the test they should be given an umbrella card. this card permits them to purchase an umbrella. if one does not have an umbrella card then one is not allowed to use or purchase an umbrella. anyone caught handling an umbrella without an umbrella card will be given a $100 ticket.
if i run into one more banker-esque fool with their over sized, unnecessary golf umbrella, who is texting, not paying attention, and just being a dick — i will knock you down and break your umbrella. i am OVER it. my book, umbrella handling for dummies, is also in the works.
with all of this in mind - i have decided that the picture below is how i need to look at it and the world:
went to see duran duran last night - one of those bands that i never really wanted to see unless i had good seats. thankfully, i had good seats last night and it was well worth it. they sounded amazing! msg sound quality — not so amazing. they sang all the hits and then some… enough to satisfy my 80s needs for a while.
the subway ride home was not disappointing. took the unusually crowded 2 train home with a angry black man who gave his opinion to anyone that would listen — or even to anyone who didn’t listen. in spite of all of his ramblings he made some very logical points. he touched upon the fact that verbal communication between humans is fading away. he said “you! on that damn ipad, or iphone, or what ever the hell technological gadget you’re on - WAKE UP! get back into the real world” (in a samuel jackson voice) — i see what he means. we can all become consumed with technology and forget about good old fashioned TALKING! still though - he was cray cray.
saw my neighbor’s nurse again this morning and rode the elevator with her… as we were exiting she waited for me to open the door… i just kept playing with my phone until after about 5 seconds she decided to open the door — glad that’s cleared up now.
[video]
I feel for this guy … seriously… And if he were to ride the NYC subway, he has my permission to take up as many seats on the subway as he wants..
http://www.lvrj.com/health/las-vegas-man-suffering-from-100-pound-scrotum-needs-1-million-for-surgery-131962533.html
so this morning as i was leaving my apartment, i stepped out into the hallway and locked my door. at the same time, my neighbor’s nurse was leaving and was waiting for the elevator. when the elevator appeared she stood and then looked at me as if she was thinking, “bitch, i’m not touching that door knob, you’re gonna open it for me!” for the sake of not missing my chance to get on the elevator, i opened the door and she proceeded to get in it before me and she said, “thank you!” the next 20 seconds in the elevator consisted of me staring straight ahead and wondering why the hell she couldn’t open the damn door. we then exited the elevator and i held the next 3 doors open as she whizzed by me to the subway station… germaphobe? or just an annoying biotch? or am i overreacting? no - i’m not.
30 minutes later i am walk through rock center en route to work. a sea of winter hat wearing, tight jean wearing, fedora hat wearing, ironic glasses wearing, gwyneth paltrow loving hipsters are congregated at the today show to watch or be seen watching coldplay. if you’re wondering where all the occupy wall street people are - they’re up at the today show today.. because they can! occupy rock center
"Love" or Hate Courtney Love - Read this Article - You Might Understand Her Better
this was sent to the female employees on my floor yesterday - ENJOY! FRIENDLY REMINDER Ladies – Please make sure that the toilet is completely flushed and ALL remains have been cleared before exiting your chosen bathroom stall. It is very unpleasant to walk into a stall and find someone’s residuals floating around or streaks in the toilet. We all know what the purpose of the toilet is but we really don’t need to be greeted by the mess someone else left behind. Please treat this like your home bathroom. Keep the bathroom CLEAN!
lately people have been encouraging me to document my observations in a more organized manner, so i’ve decided to try blogging again. i observe too much and i need to somehow document it… via pictures, words, etc..
let’s start with this manicure that i saw on the 6 train 2 days ago… or should i say claws.. these suckers mean bidness… she was not one to be messed with..
